Bedlam Tales

Good Movie

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:05:47 GMT

"30 Days of Night"

It was good. You should see it. However, wait until at least next week - crowded theatre's suck ass.

Another example of my stupidity

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:11:16 GMT

So, being the idiot that I am, I looked at my schedule for today and I said, "Hey, I work until 4, no problem, Kyle will wait until then for me, right?" Well, I was wrong. Not on the Kyle waiting around for me part, but on my-working-until-4 part. I am apparently an idiot who cannot read my schedule. I work until FIVE. There is no way Kyle is going to wait until 5 to leave for West Lafayette! And I wouldn't expect him too!

Yeah. I suck.

The Think Tank

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 23:46:52 GMT

So I'm pumped. Justin set up this awesome RPG forum and I can't wait until it gets swinging. In fact, I'm sitting in front of the computer waiting with baited breath for the first posts and getting ridiculously excited over the littlest shit; "Justin, you added the Guild subgroup!", "Renee and Sean joined!", "The fucking screen TWITCHED!"

Only one problem. I can't seem to figure out where the hell I'M going to start up with it. I sit down to make a post and I get just too. damn. excited. And nothing comes out. It's like a 15 year old boy, who gets a hooker for his birthday/whatever. I get a fucking hard-on like I've never known just thinking about it, but when it comes to the point of actually getting my dick wet, I get nervous and go limp faster than old celery.

So... bare with me people. I'm going to try and get things 'working' by next week. God willing.

Tue, 01 May 2007 06:09:09 GMT

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

"Bitch" - Meredith Brooks

Tue, 01 May 2007 06:07:39 GMT

I love my boyfriend.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 04:40:36 GMT

I let the beast in too soon, I don't know how to live
Without my hand on his throat; I fight him always and still
Oh darling, it's so sweet, you think you know how crazy
How crazy I am
You say you don't spook easy, you won't go, but I know
And I pray that you will
Fast as you can, baby runfree yourself of me
Fast as you can
I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
So if you catch me trying to find my way into your
Heart from under your skin
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can
Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift
But most of the time, it does
And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift
Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was
And I'll be your girl, if you say it's a gift
And you give me some more of your drugs
Yeah, I'll be your pet, if you just tell me it's a gift
'Cause I'm tired of whys, choking on whys,
Just need a little because, because
I let the beast in and then;
I even tried forgiving him, but it's too soon
So I'll fight again, again, again, again, again.
And for a little while more, I'll soar the
Uneven wind, complain and blame
The sterile land
But if you're getting any bright ideas, quiet dear
I'm blooming within
Fast as you can, baby wait watch me, I'll be out
Fast as I can, maybe late but at least about
Fast as you can leave me, let this thing
Run its route
Fast as you can [x4]

Truths...

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 03:51:59 GMT

I am a terrible person.

Let me elaborate as to why.

Justin has been spending 4-5 nights a week at the dojang, helping instruct, taking multiple classes, absorbing all the knowledge that he can. All-in-all, living his martial arts dream. He is working so hard in his IUPUI classes and doing so well in them. He devotes a lot of his free time outside of school and the dojang to his homework. He is also considering taking on a job - which I whole-heartedly encourage him to do so that he can have money to do with as he pleases. He will be attending Purdue next year, as a student in their school of pharmacy - his goal at least as long as I've known him.

How, you ask, does this have any relevancy to my being a terrible person? Simple; I miss him. I miss being the sole focus of his world, the center of his universe. I miss talking to him every night. I miss seeing him 2, even 3 times a week. I'm terrified about what's going to happen in the fall. Terrified that I will lose him to distance and other, better, female attention. And even if I don't lose him, then he will still be so close, yet so far out of my reach. I want to tell him not to go. I want to tell him, "yes, stay." when he asks me if he should. I want to tell him that I do NOT want him to train at the dojang so often because it eats away at the precious time he should be spending entwined in my arms. I want to BEG with him for just 10, 15, 20 more minutes when he says that he needs to go do homework.

But I never do these things. When he asks me if I'm bothered by how much time he spends at the martial arts college I tell him that I know it makes him happy, and that this is something he wants so badly that it makes him dizzy, so I can deal with it. When he asked my opinion, many times, about the idea of staying here and going to IUPUI, I told him it was his choice. Even though every minute away from him eats away at me and leaves me aching for his company, I try not to let him see.

And I've just blown all that work by typing up this post. I need to get this out of my system though. And maybe he'll read it, maybe he won't. I don't know which I'm hoping for.

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 02:43:49 GMT

blargh

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 03:55:34 GMT

i wonder... if one could actually suffer from physical symptoms of withdrawal as a function of being too long away from their lover....

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 06:36:32 GMT

so if any of you were wondering, my boyfriend is... incredible. not many men can say that they know how to deal when their girlfriend bursts in to tears because he tells her she's the most beautiful woman in the world to him. most of them just backtrack, or worse: run.

Justin, however, handled it beautifully. not only did he calm me down, but he made me see myself as he does, if only for a brief instant. as i said, incredible.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 05:48:44 GMT

So kiddies, Beth here to tell you that sleep is worthless, graveyards kick ass, and coffee keeps the brain stable.

Got called by one of my bosses about.... half an hour ago. They needed someone to come in and no one else wanted to so i rushed to their rescue. For a little compensation of course. Now i'm at work, doing work-y stuff (can't you tell) and i won't be sleeping until sometime tomorrow.

^.^ FUN!

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 03:24:22 GMT

I feel like a complete and total dork.

Why, you ask, do I feel such?

Because I just spent the last 20 minutes wasting my time, looking over the IUPUI's Gamer Guild website.

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 17:37:31 GMT

yeah, so....

Justin's right; i reeeeeaaaaalllly need to work on my self confidence. i'm a total spaz and just a touch paranoid. of course, just because i'm paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't talking shit about me.

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 15:10:28 GMT

*beats herself about the head and shoulders*

Lord above, I'm a jerk. Second REAL day on the job and I'm AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE!!!

Like I said, I'm an asshole. Or a jerk. Or both.

*sighs*

Yeah, I know, 'happens to the best of us.' Screw that crap. I'm an IDIOT!!!!

...

>.>

...

<.<

Well.... now that I'm done berating myself...

TOODLES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 15:57:37 GMT

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

...

so.... yep

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:07:42 GMT

"I am love's bitch."

read it somewhere, and have adopted it as my motto....

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 04:11:24 GMT

i miss Justin.... O.O

i miss my clean house.... O.O

i miss being clean.... O.O

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:01:16 GMT

i think i'm going to be sick...

seems like i've had this problem a lot lately. and, no ladies and gents, it's not because i'm pregnant or sick or some other logical reason. chock it up to nerves and anxiety and ... psychological shit that's materializing in a physical reaction.

in other words, shit's shitty. or maybe i'm just the shitty one, *bitter chuckle*. i think that's the more accurate view. because, in all honesty, things are comparatively peachy. got the job at UITS, and i may very well be working all graveyard shifts like Mal. just another reason to never sleep - like i need another. haven't exactly been filling my "Justin" quota lately, *shrugs* but maybe that's just because i'm too needy. school's been... surprisingly groovy. i'm really enjoying my theoretical foundation of criminal justice policy class. the prof. is fucking great; he's an ex-cop, which makes him either a total asshole or a kickass guy. he is definitely the latter, with a touch or two of the former. my fencing class is painful, but fun. i think i'm learning an awful lot. oh, but it makes me sooooo sore! lol, make my hip hurt, and i fall over a lot. Dia (my baby sister, for those of you who don't know her name) is doing really well. she's really tall for 2 and a half months - 24 inches. and reeeeaaaaallly skinny. i think i'm going to envy her for both those things when she grows up. she'll probably be prettier than me too, *chuckles*. hell, she's already practically stolen Justin from me. he adores her so much, and he's one of her favorite people.

anyfuck.... got class in an hour. not sure how i'm getting home afterwards - DON'T want to drag the kin out. call it pride, call it a desire for self-sufficiency, but i just don't feel right asking them for rides to and from school anymore.

but, i'm out kiddies... take care my beloveds.

*kiss*

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 18:45:43 GMT

i miss Andy, and his sexy-ass, sk8er-boi-ness!

you hear me Andy? I MISSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

lol

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 06:45:39 GMT

heh... plunder bunny ^.^

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 11:12:12 GMT

Do you know who that is? Who that fucking kick-ass motherfucker playing the guitar up to the left there? Of course you don't, because your fucking worthless.

That's Jimmy Paige you assholes! Only the second greatest guitar player and the most fucking wicked songwriter to come through the 1970's! You're life is meaningless!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 10:40:01 GMT

First day back in school. Doesn't feel like that long ago that I left, but I don't mind. Maybe it has something to do with my summer course. *shrugs*

So, as most of you probably already know, Justin is in the hospital with meningitis. The doctor doesn't think that it's life threatening, but it scared the hell out of me anyway. He kept saying that he didn't know how I managed to stay calm, when he would be freaking out if our situations were reversed. I don't know how I maintained that facade either - inside I was weeping and terrified.

But, he should be discharged today. Hope to spend some time with him tonight. We'll see what his mother allows, as she isn't exactly happy with me right now. She didn't want me to stay in the hospital with him the first night. I did anyway. So... fuck it.

Watched Silent Hill last night. It sufficiently creeped me out. Enough that I'm a little jumpy today. I need coffee - haven't slept yet. Though I am suprisingly wide awake.

I've got French and Anthropology today, both of which I'm looking forward to. I'm also taking Criminal theory, Abnormal Psychology, Fencing, and a computer course this semester. A guy I new at Tech a few years ago, Brandon Lunsford, and a girl I worked with last semester are both in my Criminal Theory class. Cameron Seelbach and Shana Thomas are in my Fencing class. Ick. Yeah, I'm upset about it too.

Well, kiddies, I'm out.

Peace!

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 10:06:01 GMT

Happy Birthday to you..... (you know who you are)

Happy Birthday to you! (yep, you should've known i'd find out)

Haaaapppy Birthdaaaaaay, Deeeeaaaar NESSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hahaha!!!)

Happy Birthday to you! (you look like a mishevious fireplace midgit..... >.> ..... and act like one too!!)

love ya, hon. miss ya. can't wait to see you near by next semester. hope IUPUI and all your classes suit you well.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 00:04:01 GMT

Why can't you see how you cut me open, how you spill my insides onto the cold stone floor with a swipe of your sharp tongue? Why won't you look into me and see the raw ache you tear inside of my soul with the jagged edge of your words? God of heaven above, how i hate you today. i hate how weak i am compared to you, how weak i am without you. i hate that you have the ability to shut me out, when my entire universe spins around the axis that is you. i hate that your lungs don't burn and your hands don't tremble and that your heart keeps beating through the turmoil building between us.

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 20:11:59 GMT

RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!!!

have i mentioned lately how lmuch i just want to fucking crawl into a pit or a cave, or any ole' fucking hole in the wall and never fucking be bothered again?! By ANYONE!!!

Didn't think i had. just thought i'd remind people.

nInn